Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
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Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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