Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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