she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
