like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...