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I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
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