if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
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I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.