What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees