Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
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It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
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Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog