I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize