I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
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I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
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I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Shame is for Republicans.
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