Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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