you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
His hands were made for my vagina.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.