He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom