I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
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And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???