We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are