how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize