so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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