I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
