if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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