cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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