she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer