What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?