im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We're too hungover to prance.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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