yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
