on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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