Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have aggressive nipples.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
