I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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