My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
