I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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