I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.