I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.