He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.