We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
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Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
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my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.