Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize