Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
