i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
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Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
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i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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