That reminds me...we need to get swords
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
