I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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