wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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