So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
