i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize