He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
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You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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