I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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