i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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