He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize