Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
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im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
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Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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