Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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