An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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