Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
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I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
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The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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