in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
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So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
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In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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