My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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