i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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