i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
