Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
