just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.