and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues