i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.