I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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