She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
