I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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