I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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