i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
