Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
