i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
