Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you would pick up someone in the library
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
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